for some reason or another,

life back in singapore is OK, i'm still thinking how i am going to cope with the intensive amount of stress coming august. but anyway, since its the last lap, might as well make it as fulfilling as possible. 3 weeks into work, i'm starting to regret taking up this course.cant deny that i have learnt alot everytime i am back and for this time, it would be probably the best work experience ever, but the prospects are really not good at all. it's neither here nor there, i cant go into the architecture field, no possible way of becoming an interior designer because the CAD skills we learnt in NUS are practically nothing; we suck in comparison to mechanical and electrical engineers though I can read electrical drawings & terminologies perfectly well,its the hard skills which are lacking; i wont want to go into facilities management for now because the industry is seriously low skilled. SO, it's either QUANTITY SURVEYING that i dislike most or green building technology which i've always been interested in. however, QS is in really great abundance in Singapore while the latter lacks a huge deal in comparison to other countries plus, people here are still taking things for granted.

i've been spending most of my nights thinking of these stuff which makes me want to take up some other part time engineering degree or hoping to sudden enlightenment and miracles along to way to help me with my dissertation topic! HAHA. actually i am not that ambitious after all, just that i require more strings to be pulled.

studies & work aside,i realised a few changes in Singapore since i am back. not the people part,these will never change. probably the economy is down at the moment the LTA is building so many more MRT stations. it reminds me of holland where every part i went, there'll surely be constructions going on. living expenses can be quite high here, but i'm wondering, are people really earning a satisfactory amount every month? i definitely wouldnt want to fall into the category of graduates who are in huge debts next year.

sometimes although i envy those people who have everything catered for them without them having to worry about anything else, i guess thats what makes me different.not that my parents cant afford for anything i want, but they taught me to work hard for the things i want badly. i am glad i had this pushing force which reminds me that i have to remain competitive if i want to survive in this society. i finally understood why companies and the govt are willing to pay for foreign talents be it chinese, indians or caucasians, most singaporeans will never be able to compare with them on a similar standard which suggests the really big difference in wages.

i've always been cynical since 1st year in nus based on my past experiences, but the short 4 mths of study in UCD made me realise that 'hey, there are really people out there who are willing to help you out when you are struggling'. well i am not sure if i am able to find any more in nus since its almost the end point. haha, in any case, it's down to whether i am willing to be more trusting towards others, isn't it?

it's quite good to pen down some random thoughts once in a while. i doubt i will have the mood or time to do so in future, and seeing the number of posts each year dwindling in numbers, perhaps its time for some novel idea of communicating to myself?

in three days' time, 26th :) 1st ever, i wonder if i am letting myself sink more deeply into depending on you sometimes. i can be independent if i want to, but who cant do with some loving care at times? i'm starting to get afraid and think whether or not i rely on you too much before one day i fall into the same old trench i promised myself i never will ever again. but whatever it is, thanks for everything and loving me :)

1 month since i'm back, i havent gotten down to do some cooking. haha, i wouldnt happen in the longest time i guess, so thanks for the chance to do so in the past 5 mths! sorry to this post for being anticlimax, because for now, its another reason for me to log off and go to sleep.