i wish i can have a chance to travel back in time. back to the very moment when i thought that my life was meaningful. i wont mind giving up 5 yrs of my life for it.
time creeps past our monotonous and routined life. expressions of awe and shock surfacing when we look back. 10 years, 20 years and even 50 years. i wonder if i will survive till then. it's scary how time flies especially when there aren't much things in life to do initially. i will want a deliberate stop if i can. forever staying at the age of 17-18. no worries, no commitments.
we have to grow up someday, leaving behind all the wonderful memories. my social circle may widen as i step into my young adulthood, but all the past friendships may be under nourished due to time constraints in work. friends come and go, and those few who remain in contact are those whom i might treasure for the rest of my life. i would choose to go back in time then, to salvage all the childhood relationships i have built up.
decision making is part and parcel of life when we grow older. i cant say i am a planner. i think about what i want to do in future, foresee myself leading a good life, perhaps with my future family. but i am a fickle-minded person. i always cant seem to decide what i want to do. easily shaken by things that others tell me. i will take a long time to make a decision and end up questioning myself if i have made the right choice. i need someone who is firm to be by my side. to constantly remind me on every little thing in life. i always thought my life to be manipulated by my parents even though they always tell me the most important will be my final choice which i am happy and comfortable with. but now, i wish that they will always be available to make decisions for me. i always thought i am confident with my choices, yet again, deep down inside me now, i know i am not. repeated failures, disappointments may follow my so called "desired" choice.
i am not the least excited about uni life. it seemed so distant now that i just need to reach out my last step for it. what i want is impossible to achieve. perhaps in my dreams will i be able to fish out some reality.
somebody puts me to the semi-conscious state please. and hopefully when i wake up, the answer will dawn upon me.
1 comment:
hey girl. ((: we haven't been hanging out for dunno how many eons! For God's sake, gimme ONE day will you? haha... I really miss you loads! =))
dropped by and decided I have to see you soon, if not you be prepared to treat me to something good! =D
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